Mum

The current need to isolate and spend time at home has made me think of my wonderful Mum. If she’d found herself in this situation (while still in good health)I have no doubt that she would have had the whole house decorated, made a few patch work quilts for babies cots, some rag dolls and written a few children’s stories.

If you ask any of her grandchildren one of the things they will tell you is how much fun she was, and how creative. She could conjure up a circus, a post office, a library, a theatre, pretty much anything out of an old shoe box and a couple of empty loo rolls. Her imagination, energy and enthusiasm were boundless, not to mention her frequent supply of treats to eat while creating.

Ben was very blessed to be able to spend a huge amount of time with his Grandma, and their relationship was beautiful to see, Grandad was usually there in the background responding with reasonable good grace to the constant “Tony, just find me...Tony just get us...”

My Mum was a one woman army and I’m sad to say I didn’t appreciate her anywhere near as much as I should have when I was younger; she was in her own quiet way impossible to live up to. However, now I become more and more aware of how much I learnt from her, my house will never (ever) be clean enough to live up to her standards but I’m a pretty decent cook and I’ve definitely inherited her creative genes to some degree. I wish she was still here for many reasons, but at this time she’d have been so amazing at making the best of things. Mum, thanks for all you did, and sorry I didn’t tell you nearly often enough how much I loved you and how proud I was (am) to be your daughter.

Blessed

I’ve had a lovely weekend. It was busy to say the least but I was blessed to celebrate my 65th birthday with my son Ben and many of my friends. I’ve journaled, enjoyed a lovely meal at a favourite restaurant, been treated to a traditional Iranian birthday dance and FaceTimed with my brother and sister-in-law, all in all a weekend of fun and fellowship.

As the date of what would have been my Father’s 90th birthday draws near I am so aware of how blessed I am to celebrate the completion of another year of life experiences and the beginning of a new one. I am also reminded of the many people whose life lives have been cut sadly short. Like so many I have lost friends and family members over the years, some at a tragically young age, others older but still earlier than might have been hoped for or expected.

As a woman of more mature years I have white hair, I have wrinkles (let’s  call them laughter lines), I have a few aches and pains and I’m definitely not exactly as limber as I used to be but I am to all intents and purposes fit and healthy, happy and secure and blessed to have a life of freedom and enough.

There are undeniably parts of my anatomy that are gravitationally challenged (enough said) and I am unequivocally of the “older”generation but I am not old, I am not ready for wrinkled stockings, tartan slippers with a pom-pom on the front or a fleecy nightie. I still wear jeans and tee shirts most of the time (comfort and practicality are the key to my wardrobe) and I still love Charlie Brown, Snoopy and Winnie the Pooh. 

I have filed the questionnaire about my need for older peoples services in my waste bin, along with the offer of home visits for sight and hearing tests. My extremities may be teetering on the verge of being slightly frayed but my mental faculties are still fully functioning (bar the occasional senior moment when I can’t remember why I entered a room). My sense of humour is still pretty much as it was when I was younger and I can still be reduced to helpless giggles by a banana skin moment.

 I certainly cannot be classed as an O.A.P. (you  actually have to get your pension to achieve that status) and though I am not embarrassed or ashamed of my age I have to confess to finding myself somewhat surprised to have attained such a lofty number, in my head I’m still somewhere between 18-30! In fact, my only regret is how long it takes to scroll down to find my birth year on line, that can be a little bit challenging and time consuming.

So, another year has been added to my tally and I look forward to all that this next year brings. I commit to living it to the full, I owe it to those who don’t share the privilege.

A year of firsts

Ben and I are currently experiencing a year of firsts. My lovely Dad passed away on May 31st 2019 and since that day we’ve had to cope with the first Father’s day, birthdays, Christmas and very soon first holiday without him. We’re now having to learn to enjoy all these celebrations without either Grandma or Grandad and I have to admit, its hard.

Grandma and Grandad may not be with us physically but they are most certainly not forgotten, wherever we go, whatever we do Ben is quick to remind me that we took Grandad here, or we went there with Grandma and Grandad. Even if we go somewhere new we think about how much they would have enjoyed it. This year is a year of fairly landmark celebrations, Dad would have been 90, Ben will be 30 in August and even I have a reasonably special birthday as I hit 65 in March.

To mark Grandad’s 90th birthday Ben and I are going away to a beautiful bungalow/cottage on Anglesey, we travel on March 21st which would have been his big day. I’m sure we’re going to have a wonderful time and we are looking forward to it but it brings a shadow of sadness as it will be the first holiday planned and undertaken on our own.

Our loved ones may no longer be with us in the real world but there is no doubt that they are still very much part of our daily lives. When you have been blessed to have loving parents, family and friends they remain very present in your hearts, memories, photographs, souvenirs all help to keep them alive and  valued.

Ben and I are so fortunate to have so many happy, beautiful memories of his Grandma and Grandad, their generosity, love, support and encouragement throughout the years, even in the midst of their personal battles with chronic ill health is forever imprinted on our hearts. We take them with us everywhere we go (not literally!) and we like to imagine them reunited and enjoying watching us now.

We miss them both desperately and sometimes the sadness can be overwhelming but we are so fortunate to have had them as our Mum, Dad,Grandma, Grandad.

Finding my get up and go

It’s been a long time since I’ve properly put pen to paper or indeed finger(s) to a keyboard. My good intentions and my plans to get myself back into the writing swing haven’t somehow managed to move from meaningless promises to actuality. However, today (note the date, 1/3/2020) I have actually succeeded in finding my blogspot page and far more noteworthy (see what I did there!) managed to find the correct password to allow me to access it. So far so good.

I do enjoy writing and not so many months (years) ago would happily sit down to a notebook with my fountain pen (biros just don’t cut it) or in front of my laptop but after the disappointment of my brief sojourn in the land of being a published author (not all publishers are good ones!) I found myself wordless, unmotivated, frustrated and more than a little sorry for myself. Instead of writing for the pleasure of playing with words I found myself stopping off in the little village called “What’s the point?) My get up and go as a lover of language had got up and gone.

Having been fortunate enough to benefit (just a small amount) from a PPI refund I splashed out on a super-duper mountain bike trike for my son Ben to help him exercise more and as of yesterday I became the proud (actually incredibly irritated and frustrated) owner of a new iPad Pro, Let  me just say technology is not high on my skill set list, I’m good at what I can do and I’m ok with things I’m used to but I’m really not good with new technology and updates. Many are the  battles I’ve  had with young, enthusiastic assistants in Curry’s PC World when I’ve wearily tried to tell them I don’t want the newest all singing and  dancing version because I’m happy with what I have, and can actually use! I’m proud and somewhat shocked that I now seem to have my tablet up and running, I have accessed my blog, I’ve got Word and a printer installed and my Bluetooth keyboard has connected and is working (thank you Gary Lacey!) the only possible blip on my so far cloudless horizon is that even with the help of the technologically savvy Gary Lacey we have been unable to break down the impregnable barrier that is installing Facebook. I have it on my phone so I’m trusting that when I attempt to post this on Facebook  it will work. (If it doesn’t there may well be a toddler standard temper tantrum happening in my vicinity.)

To cut a rather circuitous story short, I am hoping I have found my wandering get up and go. I will again do something that I enjoy and that helps me focus my mind (which has an alarming propensity for wandering off into the wilderness) I may be the only person who reads my ramblings but if any of you out there do decide to join me, thank you!

Now, fingers and toes crossed, here comes the save  and post bit, I hope to see you on the other side!

Dont miss the wood for the trees.

I'm sure you've all heard the saying "Don't miss the wood for the trees" and  I'm guessing I'm not the only who has been guilty of doing exactly that. It is so easy to do, and there are so many ways we can do it!

Sometimes it can be from a cup half empty perspective, we're so busy looking at the rain, moaning about what we haven't got, focussing on the negative aspects of our current situation, we fail to spot the glorious rainbow, the many things we do have, the fact that we do have a cup! Not to mention the fact that a cup can always be refilled!

At other times it can be our inability to see the beauty in the midst of our daily lives. Like walking over a pebbly beach grumbling about how difficult it is and failing to see the brilliant colours, shapes and sizes of those very pebbles. Our senses become blocked so that we don't recognise the joy of hearing a baby laugh, the smell of freshly baked bread or brewed coffee in the morning, the wonderful feeling of crisp, clean sheets when we fall into bed, or the smile on someone's face when they see us. 

We can allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the dark mornings and dark nights of winter or we can be blessed by the stunningly beautiful sunrises and sunsets that accompany the season.

I'm not for one moment suggesting that life is always peachy, most of us will at some point in our lives go through periods of struggle, hardship, pain, loss, worry and fear but we can make a choice to see only the darkness or to see the light of a sunrise or sunset.

My son Ben achieves this by constantly worrying, talking, anticipating about what's next. no matter what we're doing, where we are he often misses out on the joy of the moment because he's so busy looking ahead. My only regret as Ben's mum is that when he was a baby and young child I was so worried about helping him meet milestones, making sure that I gave him every opportunity to develop the skills we take for granted in "ordinary" children that I often didn't allow myself time to simply enjoy him, love him, hold him close.

We need to make a conscious, intentional decision to seize the moment, stop and smell the roses, look up at the trees! Enjoy the little mundane things that form our daily lives because tomorrow isn't guaranteed.

I think I may be guilty of mixing several metaphors if not reinterpreting them altogether, and I've definitely meandered off the track, (got lost in the woods!) forgive me!  

  

I'll procrastinate...later

What can I say? If there were Olympic medals for procrastinating I'd have multiple gold medals. If there was an Oscar for "putting off" I'd have the lifetime's achievement award. Nobel prize for making excuses and delaying tactics? mine!

I am a master of "why do today what you can put off till tomorrow?" The more critical the task, the more I delay; its not that I'm unaware of the need to get it done, its not that I'm immune to stress, far from it, but it seems that I, for some reason, seem to function best when I'm up against a deadline, when the eleventh hour isn't simply approaching, we're talking two minutes and counting!

Only then do I seem to be able to focus, put aside all the distractions and excuses that stop me from simply getting on with it, and usually, ridiculously quickly find the task accomplished. Every time I emerge from another "by the skin of my teeth" moment I promise myself that next time I will do what ever needs doing as soon as it comes to my attention. I'll set a day (still not the same day) when I have a free day or a good amount of free time and write a note on my planner, on my calendar, in my diary, "Paperwork" appears regularly. In fact, today is one of those "paperwork" days, I've written it  in all the places mentioned, steeled myself to do it, and here I sit, writing a blog!   

It's a bit like sitting down to do a jigsaw, I've got all the pieces there in front of me, I just can't start because I can't find all the outside edges, and who does a jigsaw without doing the frame first? I may get a substantial amount of it joined together but I get stuck on looking for the last few missing bits instead of moving on, not wasting time, building slowly. I get frustrated, put it to one side, and give up.

The ridiculous thing is that my tendency to put things off doesn't help me, it just builds my stress, my anxiety, my worry up more and more so that I can't sleep at night because the task goes round and round in my head relentlessly, growing as the realisation of what the fall out will be if I don't get it done begins to fester.

I'm a numpty, first class, with honours! I know what I should do, I know that I should just do it (I hate the Nike advertisement!) but somehow I just can't seem to break this lifelong habit. I think I need an overseer; cracking the whip, badgering me, hectoring me, motivating me relentlessly and refusing to allow me to waste a second in fulfilling my task.

I still have my paperwork to do today, well actually my Dad's to be exact, I'm going to get it done...tomorrow! One thing I do know is that I'm more likely to succeed if I get up early and launch myself into my tasks, any delay seems to ignite my well developed procrastinatory skills (I'm not sure if that's a real word, but I think it should be!) Today, after a largely sleepless night (worrying about todays tasks) I woke up late, my umph duly fizzled and here I am writing a blog. Tonight I'm going to have an early night, a good read, as much sleep as I can manage and tomorrow morning I'm going to leap out of bed and launch into the dreaded paperwork. I'll let you now if I get it all done (but maybe next week!)

Note to friends, if you need me to do something for you it may be a good idea to give me a deadline, a very short deadline, then my dilly dally delaying muscles won't have time to flex.    

    

Can journaling be a ministry?

This is a photograph of the craft room in the apartment complex where my son, Ben and I live. We'd never used it until a couple of weeks ago when the lovely Sarah Anderson came over for our habitual holiday play date! In the past we've managed in our apartment but after a recent furniture shuffle and declutter we no longer have a suitably sized table or desk to  spread out all our crafty bits and bobs, especially the gelli plates and stamping paraphernalia. On an impulse I asked at the reception desk whether it was possible for me to use the craft room if it wasn't in use by a group or outside activity. Yes! So, Tuesday morning found the three of us able to spread out and enjoy this lovely bright room for our crafty/arty get together.

We left the door wide open so that anyone passing by could drop in to see what we were doing. After not too long an elderly lady popped her head in and asked me what we were doing, she's quite a lonely lady and doesn't chat to very many people, she rarely gets out so the days can be long and tedious at times. We invited her in and Sarah and I showed her the patterned papers we were making, I also showed her my Journaling Bible which I said she was free to look through. She did, for quite some time and was very interested in what we were doing. Ben was busy colouring in one of his (many) Christian Colouring Books, she spent some time watching him and then said "I can do colouring."

She went on her way and our pile of deli papers grew, half an hour later she returned, she handed me a ten pound note which she absolutely refused to take back and insisted I was to use it to by some things for our crafting. I asked her whether she'd be interested in a Christian colouring book like Ben's and she said she would, she couldn't do art or craft but she thought she could colour. A little later the lady who runs the events and activities in our complex came in, she too asked what we were doing, we explained that we were just getting together before the holidays finished but that we meet together as a bigger group once a month at the Salvation Army.

The result? We have been asked to run the group here instead, we can have the room free on the understanding that any residents who want to can drop in, join in, have a go, have a cup of tea or just have a chat. We assured her that they can take any art they create home with them and that they will be made welcome. The group will still be DEN and will still be advertised as Bible Journaling though in the poster I will explain that any art that they attempt can be used for different purposes.

As for our lovely friend who visited, I took up the Colouring the Psalms book and a box of new crayons, she was delighted and again said she could colour but couldn't do "art" I told her we were going to meet regularly and she's going to come along (she hoped it was every week!) and she's even said she might even have a little go at some of the activities if she's well enough. Her ten pounds has bought four packs of crayons and felt tips to start us off when we meet here in three weeks time.

Weekends can be very long, isolating and lonely for people who don't have family or friends to visit them or take them out. DEN can now still be the wonderful opportunity for us to share our faith and enjoy our journaling and love of the Word, but now it can be a witness and a ministry, reaching out and welcoming new people, a listening ear, a hand to hold, a cup of tea and a biscuit, and hopefully, gradually, an opportunity to pray for people. Please pray for our group as we test the waters, we're trialling this till Christmas, and we'll share photos and our thoughts as we go.